Pretty Little Lies Read online

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Bonus Material

  Turn Towards the Sun

  Something Great

  My Unexpected Forever

  JAKE, HANNAH, GRACE

  PAPA – I know you would be so proud. I miss you.

  blink hard and try to bring the papers in front of me into focus. I’m almost done. I just need to sign a few more of these freaking legal documents and I can put this ridiculous mistake of a marriage behind me. When I met Deacon, I was a sophomore in college. I was vulnerable, and looking for an escape from the boring student I had become. Deacon offered me just the release I craved. The endless parties, tapped kegs, promises of hot sex, and occasionally other experimentation that I choose to forget, made getting involved with him a no-brainer. Add a side of studying and managing a fashion blog that took on a life of its own, you have my college life and relationship with Deacon in a nutshell.

  My heart aches; anguish now courses through my veins just as steadily as blood. I’m really not sure at this point how or why I am still feeling pain. If I’m honest with myself, I can’t really be surprised my marriage has ended this way. I mean, I got married in Vegas for god’s sake; at a drive up chapel, after a drunken late night proposal that I can barely remember. Spring Break during our senior year, a bunch of us had the brilliant idea to spend the week in Vegas. One night during our stay, we did the traditional walk up and down the strip, drinking the whole way. I vaguely remember Deacon making a production on the sidewalk, getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him, a rose he had bought from a street vendor in hand. Amongst the hoots and hollers of our friends, I impulsively accepted and we flagged down a taxi cab to take us to the closest chapel.

  This bizarre wedding was only the beginning of what ended up being a marriage full of questions and contradictions. I spent years wondering what I had gotten myself into and questioning why I stayed as long as I did. So the question remains, why then, am I still struggling? I’ve cried until I heaved from it over and over again and had nothing left. I’ve been so angry, that it felt like my insides were burning, and I was sure I was going to combust from the intensity of my fury. How my heart can still ache at a loss that frankly has been coming for a while, is unfathomable to me.

  I stare again at the papers, and while the whole document is in the same font, the words Dissolution of Marriage seem to be screaming at me, taunting me with their meaning.

  Dissolution of Marriage.

  Divorced at twenty – five.

  Single and just another statistic to add to the divorce rate.

  Admitting I never thought this would happen to me is a gigantic understatement. My life wasn’t supposed to go this way. At one time I had a plan, a dream, but little by little, it all fell apart.

  I briefly close my eyes and see myself on my wedding day, well what I remember of it anyway. Wearing my favorite designer jeans and Madonna t-shirt, giggling, with a cocktail in my hand; and while it may have been a crazy and an impulsive thing to do, I was actually elated and excited. When I woke up the next morning and realized what I had done, I knew things would never be the same. I had a brief sense of uncertainty and I wondered how I could have been so impulsive to make such a huge, life-altering decision, but at the same time, all I could see was the life I had always envisioned, more exciting and fuller because instead of just me…there would be an us. I wouldn’t have to be alone, vulnerable, and looking for an escape again. Maybe I could even resurrect the real me and get my life back on track. I would have a husband that would support me no matter what. Right? Any and all naysayers be damned, my life was about to start, and I would prove them all wrong. The world was mine! What a fool I was.

  Now, just four years after saying I do, I realize my life is nothing but a horrible cliché. I remember the day it all came crashing down and the reality of what my marriage had become was laid out before me, refusing to be ignored.

  With the eagerness of a child returning home after their long anticipated first day of school, delighted to have gotten off of work early and excited to see my husband, I exited the car. Bottle of wine in my hand and a sack of just-purchased groceries in the other arm, I intended on making Deacon a pasta dinner served by candlelight. I opened the door and walked into our apartment, immediately overcome with the stench of pot. As I walked to the kitchen and placed my packages on the counter, I saw a trail of clothing leading to the closed door of my bedroom. I froze. Doom and dread instantly ran through my body and I felt a burning from my neck to the top of my head, making me feel dizzy; sick. I knew without a doubt what I was going to find. I slowly started walking into my bedroom…

  “Olivia...? Olivia?”

  Blinking quickly and shaking my head, trying to rid myself of the awful picture in my mind, I look up at my attorney and attempt a smile. “I’m sorry, Clive. My mind wandered. You were saying?”

  “That’s okay, Olivia. I was just asking if you got everything signed? I am going to have my assistant make you a copy of the documents for your records.”

  Clive, whom I’m guessing is in his early 60s, has a pot belly, receding hair line and rather large ears. His kind and gentle personality never made me uncomfortable or feel stupid during this entire nightmare of a process. Once, during our conversation, he divulged he’s been happily married for 30 years and has three grown children. I imagine seeing the ugly side of marriages and divorces up-close and personal has made him realize how lucky he is. I never doubted for a second that he would get my divorce done quickly and accurately.

  “Thanks, Clive. That would be great,” I tell him as I hand him the documents I’ve signed for copying.

  Clive leaves his office and I’m left there with nothing but my thoughts once again. My mind flashes back to my apartment six months ago.

  I picked up the articles of clothing littering my apartment floor as I walked closer to my bedroom --- a man’s shirt with buttons missing, with lipstick in a shade I don’t wear, on the collar. A woman’s shirt in a very pale yellow, a color I didn’t own. Given my skin tone, it would wash me out; my complexion is too pale to pull off such colors. Dark haired women like me should stick to bold colors.

  I took a couple more steps and picked up an orange bra that must be a double D, two sizes bigger than I wear, and in a color I did not possess. An orange bra under a pale yellow shirt? Really?

  I tentatively, but steadily moved closer to the door and I heard the moans coming from the other side of the door. Apparently they were much too involved…the sound of my arrival did not even phase their sexcapade in the slightest.

  Opening my bedroom door, I saw more clothes trailing up to my bed, an empty wine bottle on the side table and all I can think is that it’s three o’clock in the afternoon, a bit early for wine. It took my mind a few moments to catch up before I fully comprehended the scene in front of me. A naked, thin-bodied, extremely
large-busted, peroxide blonde woman was in my bed, in our bed, riding the shit out of my husband. His head thrown back in apparent ecstasy, his eyes rolled back in his head. The bitch was fiercely slapping her body up and down against his. They had no idea I was standing there. None.

  “WHAT THE FUCK?!” I screamed, dropping the clothing I was somehow still holding to the floor.

  I stared, completely dumbfounded.

  Deacon practically threw the whore off of him in reaction to my scream and she went tumbling off the side of the bed.

  Our bed.

  Our desecrated bed.

  Deacon yelled, “Oh my God! Olivia!”

  “That’s right, you asshole! It’s Olivia, your wife!” Before I even knew what I was doing, I stalked over to the side of the bed where I saw the blonde bitch fall, dragged her up by her hair, and bitch slapped her across the face. Deacon was standing there staring at me with his mouth open, eyes wide, and a horror-shocked expression on his face. Before he could even comprehend what I was about to do, I kicked him in the freaking balls as hard as I could.

  “You bastard!” I shouted “How could you?”

  With fury coursing through my veins, I was shocked at my reaction. I’m not a violent person, had never hit anyone in my life. I was completely taken over by absolute disbelief and rage at what I was seeing. In an instant, literally the span of three minutes, my life had completely changed. I was filled with absolute agony. I didn’t deserve this.

  After my inner bitch did her thing, I stalked out of the room and headed to the couch, where I had thrown my purse when I came home. During that time, Deacon somehow miraculously recovered from the blow to his crotch and started screaming my name while holding his hand over himself, and chased me into the living room. I snatched up my purse and headed to the front door. Before I could reach it, Deacon reached me, grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him.

  “Olivia, wait… I can explain! It’s not what you think!”

  I laughed. I have no doubt it was a super creepy clown circus kind of laugh, but still I laughed in his asinine face. He is unbelievable. Of all the things he could have said to me.

  “It’s not what I think? Are you KIDDING ME?! I think I just saw my husband jamming his dick into some bitch that isn’t his wife! Don’t even try to explain yourself Deacon, there is NO excuse. There is NOTHING that you can say that could make me not walk out of here right now.”

  I shoved him as hard as I could and made my way to the door.

  Recovering quickly, Deacon caught up to me, grabbed my arm. Hard. The real Deacon was about to make an appearance. The begging lasted all of thirty seconds. “Olivia, I said to fucking wait. You are overreacting like a damn baby. Stop being a bitch and listen to me.”

  I looked at him and sneered, “Screw you, Deacon.”

  I ripped my arm out of his grasp, knowing I would definitely have a bruise above my elbow, where his fingers dug into me hard. I opened the door, ran out, and slammed it behind me…Deacon screaming my name behind me.

  I started to wait for the elevator, but when I heard my apartment door open behind me, I made a dash for the stairwell door and threw myself through the threshold, knowing that he wouldn’t follow me naked down the stairwell. I ran as fast as I could down two flights of stairs, stopped, sat down on a stair and started to sob.

  “Here you go Olivia. Your copies.”

  I jump slightly, startled by Clive’s return.

  “We will get these papers filed with the court, and you can expect to get your divorce decree in the mail in about two weeks.”

  Clive hands me my copies of the divorce documents in a manila envelope. Wow. My four-year marriage reduced to a few papers in an envelope.

  “Thank you. For everything.”

  “You’re welcome, and if you stop and see Jessica on your way out, she will give you your final invoice and make sure she has your forwarding address in our system. Best of luck to you.”

  I smile, give him a nod and step out of his office and walk to the reception desk to see Jessica.

  After paying my bill, I take my manila envelope and walk out of the office.

  The sun hits me in the face; I squint my eyes and start rooting around in my purse looking for my sunglasses. Popping them onto my face, I just stand there for a moment, take a deep breath and start walking to catch the next train. Pulling out my cell phone from the front pocket of my purse, I start dialing my best friend, Pyper.

  “Hi this is Pyper! I must be treating my clients like royalty at Shimmer & Soothe Salon and Spa! You should be jealous that you aren’t here yourself! Leave me a message and I will get back to you to schedule the appointment I’m sure you want to make!”

  I laugh at my friend’s message, as usual and wait for the beep.

  “Hi, it’s me. Well, it’s done. I just signed the papers and left Clive’s office. Why do I feel…?” I stop talking and sigh. “Honestly, I don’t know how I feel. Part of me feels empty and part of me wants to host my own divorce party. With cake. A cake that has a bride on top holding a knife with the bloody groom in a pool of his own blood at the bottom. They really make those you know. Crazy right? Anyway, give me a call when you can! I’m headed home to do some more packing. Kisses!”

  I press end on my phone and shove it back into the front pocket of my purse. I walk through the subway entrance, scan my link pass, and wait for the T to arrive. I start reflecting on my life here. Deacon moved out a while ago. I had to threaten to call the cops if he didn’t get his ass out. But, I am leaving Boston for good. I still remember coming here seven years ago to attend the journalism program at Boston University. While it wasn’t my first college choice, I will always look back, and love having lived here. In fact, once I married Deacon, I always thought I would stay here forever. Instead, I’m packing up and moving my life back to Chicago, Illinois. I’m going to move in with Pyper.

  The T finally arrives and I step in looking for a seat. I take a seat towards the back and sit next to the window. Leaning my head back on the seat, watching the subway walls as they fly by, Deacon’s handsome face comes to my mind. Willing to do anything to win me back, he brought me flowers over and over. He gave me sentimental cards pouring his feelings into them, telling me how sorry he was, that he made a mistake, and of course he promised that it would never happen again. He bought me jewelry, offered to move away with me to start over, told me he couldn’t live without me.

  One time, after I had kicked him out, I came home from work to find he had let himself into our old apartment, filled it up with flowers, made me dinner and once again pleaded with me not to leave him. I was so close to relenting. I can still close my eyes and remember the good times, the laughs we shared, all the times he tenderly made love to me and I felt like I was the center of his universe. As crazy as it seems, I know in his own demented way, he truly loved me. I know I loved him.

  That night, I almost gave in; it wasn’t because of the flowers or the dinner, it was the pure anguish I saw in his eyes and the tears that trailed down his cheeks when he begged me not to leave him. I looked in his eyes, really looked and the sight astounded me. I had never seen him cry before; but it wasn’t only that. I could see the love there. I could see that he truly wanted to work things out and was pleading for me to stay. Part of me wanted to give into him. I could see myself jumping into his arms and telling him we could figure it out and try… really try to make it work. I wanted to be able to tell him that I forgave him but in the back of my mind I had realized something in our time apart. Our marriage was a sham to begin with. The fact that we had made it for four years was a freaking miracle and believe it or not, choosing to stay would have been the easy way out. Staying was easy. Choosing to move on, the hard part.

  I shattered his heart that night. I looked him in the eyes and told him once again to get out of the apartment, and that I didn’t want to see him again. I told him there was absolutely nothing he could do to make the situation right and that he needed to just stop
. Stop trying. Stop buying me things. Stop coming over. Stop trying to fix “us,” because it couldn’t be done. We were broken. We were over; the marriage was over. When all of his efforts failed to work, and he felt desperate, he became mean.

  Anger flashed across his face and he tried to hide it. His pleading ended up with him calling me names and storming out of the apartment. I had hurt his pride, set him off; a dangerous combination.

  I know little miss blonde slut wasn’t Deacon’s first betrayal; I just chose to ignore the signs that were right in front of my face. I chose to believe the pretty lies he told me. The excuses ranged from working late, to stopping at the gym, or running into an old friend. When he realized the lies were becoming more frequent, he tried to bury my questions and disappointments with flowers, shopping sprees, or sex that was driven more by anger than passion. For a while, I desperately clung to the lies and the illusion that everything was fine. While his affairs mattered and of course they hurt, the simple truth was that they were only part of the problem. I didn’t want to be in a marriage that only works when I played dumb and pretended to believe the lies, and allowed things to always be on his terms.

  I want more.

  I need more.

  I deserve more.

  take a sip of my hot mocha from Coffee Now and roll my eyes in ecstasy. I can feel my taste buds doing the tango of happiness. I grab a quick bite of a blueberry muffin and I’m in seventh heaven. What a perfect combination – and an ideal way to begin the two-day drive to Chicago.

  I have everything set. My cell phone is plugged into the charger and the playlist created just for the drive is already streaming loudly through the speakers. My radar detector with laser jammer and GPS are mounted on the dash, and my beloved Dodge Avenger is packed to the brim with all of my worldly possessions. It is a really strange and somewhat unsettling feeling to know that the representation of one’s entire life can be packed up and placed in the back of a car. There isn’t much. I’m moving into Pyper’s condo with her. Good thing her parents still spoil her rotten and she doesn’t want for a thing. Her furniture and décor is impeccable – my stuff wouldn’t have really fit in, not that she would have cared, but I didn’t really want any of the apartment furnishings anyway. Too many painful memories. Deacon reclaimed the tattered belongings he had when we married, and everything else were pieces I purchased with him. Dishes we picked out together – the ones that we were finally able to agree on after looking at God knows how many patterns; the bed we selected after lying on mattress after mattress trying out, testing out and never really being able to feel the difference that the salesman insisted differentiated the various types – pillow top, plush, foam, firm, latex, innerspring. Who knew there were so many? The beat-up brown leather couch we had made love on several times. Um, no thanks. I don’t want any of it. Instead, I put an ad in the newspaper and on an online selling site, sold most of it, and donated the rest. I made decent money off of everything and happily deposited it into the bank, comfortable with this decision and anxiously looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life with unblemished and unspoiled possessions.